First impressions in dating are dead. Long live the second one

The meet-cute for Rishi (Rohit Saraf) and Dimple (Prajakta Koli), the romantic lead in the OTT show Mismatched(2020-), ensured neither made a great first impression: he called her his “future wife,” startling her so much she deliberately spilled coffee on him. 

But in a world that is increasingly shaped by social media, first impressions in dating are no longer decisive. “The way people communicate has evolved—from writing letters and opting for arranged marriages to chatting through instant DMs and dating apps in India. Earlier, one would meet someone once, and oftentimes, a lifetime decision of getting married to the person would be made. The few initial moments of meeting would define a person, making the first impression crucial. Today, one can look up a blind date on multiple social media platforms before meeting them, and learn [far] more,” says Kolkata-based sociologist Shambhobi Bagchi. 

Social media platforms make it easier to unlearn and relearn details about someone. “People can connect instantly instead of relying on the memory of a meeting,” adds Bagchi. People are now willing to look beyond that initial encounter and accept evolution and change, giving others a chance to reinvent themselves.  “[Think about it—] so many musicians like Sabrina Carpenter and The Weeknd are not known for their debut release. People don’t think of Disney when they think of Carpenter. And when you think Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana isn’t what people think of,” says Aronjoy Day, a 28-year-old musician from Gurugram. 

First impression or fake impression: A physical first date is still telling

Given the access to so much information, the traditional belief that first impressions in dating can be lasting can at times be counterintuitive. “When you assume things about someone based on surface level things, you don’t get to know them,” says Rohan Dahiya, a 33-year-old artist and writer living in Delhi.

But technology also allows people to curate images that obstruct a genuine connection from developing. “One can curate whatever image they want of themselves across any number of platforms. A first impression only happens when you meet someone in real life as opposed to meeting them online and get a sense of who they really are. That meeting negates everything that happened before,” says Dahiya, recalling a date where, despite hours of chatting and multiple Watch Party Netflix sessions, the in-person energy was flat. Another match couldn’t bring himself to speak at all. 

That doesn’t mean a digital presence is completely irrelevant. It acts as a filtration process. “It’s superficial, and a lot of it comes down to looks, statistics, and politics. Crucially, it depends on what the person is disclosing,” adds Dahiya. 

Mumbai-based poet Ruchika Lohiya, 24, knows online personas often differ from real life. “I also can’t trust someone I haven’t met in real life. I need to see if their energy is draining me or giving me joy,” she says, adding that even after a physical first date, it takes five to six meetings—and a fight—to truly understand someone. 

“People also put their unhealed parts out on dating apps, swiping on them as a coping mechanism for loneliness,” says Parikshit Kashyap, 29, a Delhi-based podcaster, rapper, and business strategy consultant, who’s been on dates where the person’s online energy didn’t match the real life persona. As of 2025, India ranks third globally when it comes to the most number of Bumble users, with 599K users per month. This includes decoding digital body language. A February 2024 Hinge study found that Gen Z prioritises non-verbal subtext of emojis, punctuation, the length of messages, and response time. While 77 per cent of Hinge daters say a match’s digital body language reveals a lot about their intentions, 56 per cent admit to over-analysing it. 

Those digital observations fuel the preconceived notions of chemistry long before people meet, adding expectations to the first date. “People already have a mental image of the person from texts or pictures. If there’s no connection between that image and reality, it’s disappointing,” says PR agency head Sonali Sudarshan. 

First date red flags are often about energy and comfort, notes Mumbai-based content creator Arissa Khan. “Today, it’s more about whether they make you feel comfortable enough to delve into a conversation. Someone making an effort is sexy. It could be as simple as putting thought into the date—such as asking what you’d like to eat, the location of the first date.” 

What does ‘making an effort’ on a first date mean in 2025?

For Lohiya, effort means the guy footing the bill at least once—unlike the date who dressed well but went ahead with splitting the bill.  Sudarshan sees a man picking up the cheque as a green flag, and says choosing a mid-range cafe to meet—not too expensive, not too casual—works best.

For Dahiya, effort means natural, unscripted conversations without any  phone distractions. “I’d rather the person step away and sort their business once and for all instead of glancing at their phone screens every two minutes,” he says. 

A September 2023 Hinge study found that globally over 80 per cent of users prefer their dates to keep their phone away. “Three out of four daters are more hesitant to open up if the other person is on their phone. Face-to-face quality time helps us build intimacy with others, but figuring out how to get the most out of that time can be tough for daters,” says Josh Penny, Hinge’s Director of Social Impact. 

Planning a date with some thought counts as effort, too. Kashyap often invites matches to join his plans. One first date was spent browsing clothes at a store, followed by a meal. Another time, he planned to attend a gig, so he called his date along.  “Most men are too laidback, don’t take things seriously, or are clueless. However, things like being on time, and respecting the other person and getting to know them, even if it’s a fling, come under the bare minimum,” he says. 

“The lack of effort in planning a first date is a red flag,” says psychologist and counsellor at Hinduja Hospital, Sheena Sood. “How can people work out a whole relationship if the effort is missing, especially during a first meeting? It shows a lack of the intent to date seriously.”  

Modern dating hits a new low with ‘text situationships’

People are turning to dating apps in India to destress—a December 2024 study in India found many users engage in casual chats without any real intention to meet.  

“Matches will say ‘let’s meet,’ never make a plan, and if we bump into each other, [they’ll] accuse me of ghosting them. Planning a simple first date is mythical. The bar is in hell,” says Dahiya, who doesn’t see the point  of texting for 10 days without ever meeting. “You either meet and see how it goes or let it die out. No one has the patience for long-term texting situationships,” he adds. 

There are instances when people tend to get attached just through texting. “Delaying a first meeting beyond a month can be unhealthy if it ends in disappointment. Especially since some married people are also on dating apps, looking for an emotional hookup or excitement, says  Sudarshan.  

Showing empathy, ghosts of past first dates, or looking beyond privilege

An empathetic outlook—one that encourages people to dig deeper into someone’s story before writing them off based on first impressions in dating—is essential. “People are ready to go beyond what’s been said, read between the lines, or unpack what led to it,” says Bagchi. 

For some, this shift happens after superficial in-person encounters lead to disappointing dates. Lawyer Urvashi Barman, 34, gave a second chance to a man who showed up in a mustard sweater vest, mismatched blues, and chappals. It was, however, a far better experience than her previous date with a 6’5”-tall Mercedes-driving match who ghosted her—or a date with the one who paid for dinner but made her feel unsafe. 

Safety is a crucial factor when navigating dating apps in India. Sudarshan refuses to be picked up or dropped back home on the first date. A 2021 Bumble survey found that 50 per cent of respondents encountered hateful content online, and one in four women faced online abuse weekly. 

First impressions based on dress or speech aren’t enough to gauge whether a person makes you feel safe. Those are superficial factors rooted in stereotypes and first impressions. A December 2023 study found stereotypes directly shape one’s initial judgements, regardless of whether someone actually fits them. 

And stereotypes are particularly entrenched in India. “We are trained to recognise class [and status], so first impressions actually speak about our own prejudices,” says Barman. “When you decide if a certain person is worth your time or not based on how they dress, you dismiss the fact that not everyone has the privilege of the kind of education as you, nor do they belong to the same section of society as you,” says Barman.

These societal constructs once dictated decisions made around arranged marriage. They still shape how people date in a social media-powered era, especially when first impressions in dating are treated as verdicts rather than moments one can brush off. Their influence, though, is more fragile than it appears. First impressions in dating often shift as conversations deepen and context builds, revealing how little that first moment actually says.